Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
