He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
50% drunk capacity currently
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
