you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
