So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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