we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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