You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
