My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
