Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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