im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
