If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
