between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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