News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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