Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
