I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
