Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
smell my finger.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize