He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
