I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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