So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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