I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
