I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Text me some of your sweat
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
