I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My penis needs a shock collar
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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