Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
