John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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