smell my finger.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize