dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
