Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
