I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
