So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
