she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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