"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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