u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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