Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
