can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
