I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
