I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
