I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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