The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
