9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
In other news, I just burned my penis
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
