i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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