i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
