Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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