i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize