When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
