walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize