I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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