Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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