after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
