Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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