Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
