There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
