before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
