Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
