Only a mothe r could love this liver
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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