Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
