Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
