At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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