then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
