he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
