...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
