one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
