Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
