I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
