My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
