Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize