her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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