After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
