You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
